Madilyn is 10 days away from being 4 months old and I thought I'd share some thoughts I've had lately about the breastfeeding relationship Madi and I have. It's been a tough road, to say the least, but I'm so glad we've gone down it. Breastfeeding was not an option. . .it's how babies get food. I took the classes, read the books and bought the stuff I needed to give the new babe breast milk. I snickered at formula coupons and scoffed at the Dr's office sample of formula we were given at the first appointment. No formula for MY baby. Mmmmhmm. Breast is best after all, right?
Madi latched on, pain free right away. The next day, however, something was wonky and I was getting really sore. I complained to the nurse who took a look and said "oh look at that milk!." No. . .it was actually skin. Ouch. She went to get the Lactation Consultant (LC) on duty that Saturday. Rhonda. Rhonda came in and shoved the baby on my nipple. Ouch. She then told me that I may have supply problems because of the shape of my breasts ("tubular" and far apart). Huh? They're certainly not huge, thank goodness, but that's not supposed to matter. That woman pissed me off and I didn't listen to her doomsday analysis of my body.
I let my hungry baby have a little bit of formula the 2nd night in the hospital because my milk had not come in and while I knew colostrum was supposed to be enough, we all needed a little sleep. I got about 2 hours that night. We left the hospital and that night Madi was inconsolable. I hadn't slept more than 5 hours total in the previous 4 days and at about 2 am I was so exhausted I was in tears. My mom came to the rescue and curled up on the living room chair with Madi and I finally got about 4 hours of sleep. Glorious sleep.
The next morning (Monday) I took Madi to the Dr's office as it was just the Doc on call who saw her. Madi was jaundiced which worried her doctor. Thus began almost daily doctors visits, lactation consultant visits, and more stress than a new mom and baby should have to deal with in their first week together.
Unfortunately, Rhonda was partially right. While most women see one breast produce more, my right produces WAY more than the left. As I type, I'm pumping and am getting a trace amount out of the left ("tubular") breast and almost 3 oz out of the right side. (The right side is my super booby.) Early on, even after her latch was fixed by a private LC I paid a ton of money for, she was only getting .5 oz or less per feeding and was not gaining weight as she should. That LC was positive, agreed that the shape was not ideal, but encouraged me to continue. She told me I would need to supplement with formula, pump an hour after feedings to increase supply, and take herbs to try and increase supply. In the end, I took Fenugreek, Blessed Thistle, Mother's Milk Tea, a tincture from Motherlove that tasted like ass. When those didn't work, I took Reglan. When that caused me to get jittery, I went against my family physician's wishes and took Domperidone. It's not something super well known by her and I don't think she was comfortable with it. It's actually not FDA approved, so I had to have a compounding pharmacy make it for me ($95.00) and order the next month from Canada. It didn't do anything for me and I think it's possible it caused some irregular bleeding that actually hurt my supply instead of helping.
Where are we now? Madi just loves her booby. I've been able to be home with her for the last 4 months and she gets breast milk almost exclusively. I still need to give about 3 oz mid afternoon and 3 oz of formula in the evening as Madi gets really frustrated at those times and needs the little extra to nap well, it seems. It certainly has been a long road and I still cringe a little when I mix a bottle of formula. The important things are that we have a good breastfeeding relationship and a healthy baby. I've gotten less squeamish about nursing in public, it's not a big deal to me now at all, I just grab a blanket or put a hat on Madilyn and let her go to town. Had I not had great support from the LCs (especially the one I had to pay for), Stefanie and my physician, I don't know that I would have continued. I plan on feeding her in the morning and the evening and pumping while I'm away. I'd love to make this relationship last another 2 months at least, and another 8 months, or one year, is my ultimate goal. It's an amazing relationship and I wouldn't change it for anything.
I decided to change the name of this blog to madilyn.vox.com. Lunabug is/was a name I picked quickly. It's our cat's name and I used it here without thinking. This blog really has been about Madilyn (and a little of my ramblings) so far, and it fits a little better.
This kid is pretty darn cute. She's giggling, reaching out for things and just being cute in general. My mom was in town over the weekend and we went to the Farmer's Market in Lawrence (it was HOT!) and then to KC to do some quick shopping and meet with our friend Jan.
Hanging in the Ergo at the Farmer's Market:
In the car, post meltdown, Eating made it all better:
She's also got a new trick, Madi rolls over
http://s205.photobucket.com/albums/bb286/lunabug1200/Madilyn/?action=view¤t=MVI_6272.flv
Mike and I thought we'd found a place for Madi to go in the Fall while Mike's at work and I'm at class. We interviewed and decided on a lady recommended by our neighbor. She seemed fine, and I gave a deposit in May. I did what's recommended and ran a compliance check with the state, which takes a month. It's just what you do when someone's going to be watching your most prized 'possession', right??
I ended up needing to take classes over the summer and Mike's mom watched Madilyn in June and we took her to Sondra in July. Last week was the last week. Mike and I had gotten the feeling already that this was not going to work out. There was a day which she called him to come pick Madi up 15 mins early because she was fussing, and we discovered she'd thrown out breastmilk I'd left because it "wasn't much" and replaced it with formula. Well, yesterday I got the results of that compliance report.
"Kansas Licensed child care facilities are inspected annually. Additional inspections are made to investigate regulatory complaints or to monitor ongoing compliance with regulations.
In reviewing our file for you requested information, we found that SS
Lawrence , KS was closed on 12/31/2006. Our files do not show another
day care with the listed providers name or the (Name of the) Daycare.
If you could provide any additional information on the name and address
that could assist us in locating this provider in our data base, if
would be great.
Pursuant to K.S.A. 65-525 disclosure of certain information is prohibited and is not included in the information that is prepared.
Information on child care licensing regulations is available on our website: http://www.kdhe.state.ks.us/kidsnet/
Please contact me if I may be of further assistance. "
Pardon my French, but the bitch is not registered to care for children in her home. The last day Madi was there (this raised my eyebrow), Madi made 7 kids. I was NOT a happy mama when I got this information. I called Sondra yesterday and asked her about it and she said "yes, I'm registered". Giving the benefit of the doubt, I called the State back today to double check before raising hell. Nope, nothing.
SO, I went over there this morning while Mike's mom was watching Madi after my dentist appointment. The conversation went something like this:
Me: I'm here to talk about our discussion from yesterday because the state really can't find anything for you on record. You told me you were registered.
Sondra: Well, I'm registered.
Me: No, you were registered, but it expired in 2006.
Sondra: You've known about this and it's just now become an issue? What are you doing. . .checking on me now to file a complaint?
Me: No, I requested this in June, before Madi started and just got the results of this report back yesterday.
Sondra: silence
Me: So, I don't appreciate being lied to and I've come to collect my stuff.
Sondra: goes into the closet to grab Madi's stuff
Me: (looking in bag) where are the gas drops?
Sondra: in there
Me: Ok walk out the door.
I've never had a door slam so hard behind me in my life. She was pissed. She knows her ass is in trouble. I got home and immediately called Mike and my mom. I later filed a complaint with the city. They said someone will be out within the next few days. She still has some of my deposit. I'm miffed and stewing about this enough that I'm thinking if I don't get the money back, small claims court is in my future.
The good news is I think we found someone else. As I was feeling nervous about her anyway, we started looking for alternatives. Madi starts the 18th.
Madi and I went to the sidewalk sale this afternoon. I got a pair of jeans--postpartum body is just NOT a pretty thing. We wandered up and down and Madi took a nap. She LOVES hanging out in her Ergo Baby Carrier. Better than a stroller, and it is generally nap-inducing. After a recent walk:
I've been meaning to update this for almost 3 months now. Madilyn Helaine arrived April 18, 2008. Mike and I are so happy she's here and have adapted to less sleep and less independence. It's been an amazing (almost) 3 months. I'll start from the beginning, just because I already have this written up. It's pretty long. . . sorry about that. But it talks about the last months of pregnacy a bit, some complications and at last, Madilyn.
Here are belly pics from the very end:
Birth Story
I decided early on in my pregnancy I wanted a natural birth. I didn’t want drugs. I didn’t want to be “tied” to a hospital bed for hours. As the weeks progressed, I realized and made Mike realize that natural was how it was going to be, and brought up hiring a doula with him. He was reluctant the first time we discussed it, but the second time around after talking to a friend who had a less-than-ideal experience, he agreed to meet with someone my friend had talked to post-partum related to breastfeeding. Stefanie and I met and I was immediately convinced that having her with us during birth would be a good decision. I didn’t even interview anyone else.
The week of March 10th, I started feeling odd. I was dizzy and just felt “strange”. The next day after class, I took my blood pressure after running some errands and found it was high, 160/90. I didn’t call that day, but instead decided to see how I felt the next day. Not any better, I called the nurse and she instructed me to come in to get checked out. When I got there, it was 150/100, which earned me a trip to Labor and Delivery as I was swollen and there was concern I was developing pre-eclampsia. Fortunately, once I was resting, the BP went down, all the lab work looked OK and I was allowed to go home. Several days later, I went back to work with a BP monitor which after 3 hours indicated that I was running high in the blood pressure area again. That was the last day at work for my pregnancy. I was put on modified bed rest. I had to hang out at home and was allowed to go to my one class 2 times a week, but that’s it. I found that my BP would spike to 160/100 and then come back down once I was resting.
The goal at that point was to make sure baby made it to full term without complications. I knew we didn’t want a premature kiddo especially at 34 weeks, so I embraced the bed rest. Sort of. There was some complaining involved, that’s for sure. Blockbuster Online video rentals became my best friend. In my 38th week of pregnancy, the week of April 14th, I had started doing whatever I could think of to get baby to come. I walked, drank tea, hung out on a birth ball, took herbs. Nothing started labor, but I had dilated to a nice 3 cm and was 80% effaced. Cool. I went into my OB appointment on April 16th and the blood pressure was high again, 150/90. The nurse told me I’d probably end up in labor and delivery that day. When Dr. Durland came in, she told me she thought it was time to talk induction (but not for that day) and she knew that I was reluctant to do so.. She told me it could go slowly and at my pace and that Stefanie would be there and we’d make it positive and as relaxed as possible. I agreed. We were to arrive at L&D at 7:30am on the 18th. There went my plan to labor at home for as long as possible. Had I not agreed, I knew another week of appointments and worry were in my future and I figured with the crap I’d been through and the bed rest it was time and I’d waited long enough and didn’t want things to get worse.
When we left the office that day, I wasn’t sure whom I should call first. Who did we let know baby would be coming Friday or Saturday? I called Stefanie first. I asked her what plans she had on Friday, and she knew immediately we’d set a date. We discussed castor oil to get baby out. I’d heard that the stuff tasted awful. . . I had NO idea. I didn’t sleep that night. The next morning I took the castor oil and was greeted by some nice stomach cramps and diarrhea but no contractions. Bummer. That night, Mike and I ordered pizza and he went to bed early. Mike was suffering from a cold. I decided to have a beer, for the first time in 9 months. My last dinner while not a parent was beer and pizza. I was able to sleep a little as the beer relaxed me. Mike and I loaded our stuff in the car the following morning at 6 am and proceeded to First Watch for breakfast. I was told to eat a light meal, Stefanie suggested protein so I had yogurt and fruit and a muffin. I was surprised I was able to eat. We pulled up to the hospital and I just sat in the car for a few minutes. I told Mike he could go in without me and I’d just hang out in the car. My stomach was a huge knot.
We walked into the room and Stefanie was there along with a couple nurses. I was told to get undressed, while in the bathroom the soap dispenser ejected soap randomly and made me jump about 2 feet in the air. I had brought my own gown and that they’d do some monitoring until the Dr got there. Everything looked good. In fact, my BP would remain steady and low during the whole labor process. I was having light contractions on my own, and Dr. Durland came at 10:15 and broke my water. I remember the warm gush after a couple pokes inside. From then on, every time I moved, I leaked fluid. Weird. The plan was to walk in between times when I had to be monitored, so we walked. The contractions I was having before went away for the most part. Mike’s cold was getting worse and he looked and felt awful. Stefanie was there, so I wasn’t alone and we ended up sending Mike home to get some rest (there was no couch or anywhere for him to lie down in the room). By 2:30, Dr. Durland came in and I had been mulling “Pitocin” over in my head for the previous 30 minutes or so. I’d heard bad things, but we discussed starting out as lightly as possible and I agreed as it was getting late and I wasn’t super excited to be laboring through the early hours of the morning. I called Mike who got smoothies for all of us on his way back and he headed in, a little more rested than before. I was really glad he was able to rest and that I didn’t have to be alone.
When he arrived, I had started having light contractions. The pain wasn’t bad at this point, I just felt tightening in my lower back and the feeling I needed to poop. Thus began back labor. I never felt a contraction in my abdomen, it was all in my lower back, with a slight wrapping around to the front. It was not at all unlike the painful first days of my period. Back labor would mean LOTS of counter pressure and LOTS of massage in order to reduce the pain. I sat on the birth ball a lot. The bad part about the Pitocin was I lost the ability to walk the halls as they needed to monitor me constantly. I was checked an hour later and had progressed another cm. and was 90% effaced.
.
After this point, events get a little fuzzy. I remember the intense need to concentrate through contractions and that I needed quiet. Mike left and came back with food, which made me nauseous. I made him leave. Stefanie gave me some lavender to smell, which helped me focus again. Mike kept making remarks to make me giggle, but I just remember being annoyed that I was having to focus on anything other than my back. Our nurse switched at 7:00 (to Kelsey, and I have to admit, I was halfway expecting my stepsister to peek out from behind the curtain when I was told her name). By that point I remember I had been thinking “what have I gotten myself into” and had been thinking “DRUGS!” for a good 30 minutes as the contractions got more and more intense. I didn’t want to ask, I didn’t want them. It took a good 5-6 contractions before I was finally like “something’s got to give” as I couldn’t catch my breath. So I asked. Stefanie suggested getting in the shower, which was not allowed by Kelsey. Stefanie then suggested Stadol instead of an epidural. I remember saying “fine, just do it quickly!” Kelsey checked me and found I was 7 cm. At least it wasn’t all for nothing. The break the Stadol gave was welcome. While it didn’t last very long, the next 3 contractions were light enough that I was able to catch my breath. This was the beginning of the dreaded "transition" I'd heard so much about. Stefanie’s pretty sure that had I been allowed to labor for the next 30 minutes in the tub, I would not have needed this small amount of medication. I think she’s right.
At this point, Kelsey was unhappy with the way baby’s heartbeat looked through contractions and wanted to attach an electrode to baby’s scalp. I believe I was kneeling on the birthing ball on the bed, and refused the electrode, saying “I’ll move” instead. They raised the back of the bed up and I leaned over the back of it. It satisfied the heartbeat requirement and allowed baby to NOT have an electrode in her head. I didn’t want another wire attached to me and I didn’t want her to have the mark from being monitored. Unnecessarily. It was at this point Mike pointed out I was mooning the room and at that point modesty was out the window. I didn’t really care. Another position change to laying flat on my back was needed for checking me and I was between 8 and 9 cm. Woohoo!
I found my voice. I HAD to moan. I remember being alarmed at how loudly I had to moan through a contraction, feeling the vibration in my head and vibrating down my lungs seemed to make the time pass more quickly. Contractions were coming every minute or so and the back pain was so bad at this point. I remember saying “You’ve GOT to be kidding me” as one pair of contractions came back to back.
There was a TON of rustling in the room, as nurses got set up for baby’s arrival. I was told the Dr. was on her way (which is a good sign, I was informed). In the commotion, there was an alarm that went off on the oxygen tank. Shrieking. Screaming. Wailing. Louder than a fire alarm, right behind my head. It was AWFUL. I was told it would last 5 seconds, but it went on and on. I was told later it lasted for longer than a minute. All of this through a contraction, which made me PANIC. I started screaming. Finally they shut it off, but that was the most intense moment for me, as I could not concentrate through the noise. I was checked about 30 mins later and was fully dilated and was told I could push. “Seriously?” I said. Then Mike’s cell phone rang. It was my mom with her impeccable timing. Mike hung up on her. I made him call her back, grabbed the phone from Mike and told her “I’m about to push” and then hung up. She has an amazing way of knowing when something is up. And she laughs now about how “off” she was for calling THEN.
Pushing. Wow. I was SO not prepared for the sheer amount of force pushing would take. I pushed through the first 2 contractions with Kelsey there, and then Dr. Durland arrived. She helped me focus where to push because I could not feel the contractions anymore. Thank God. After 3 or 4 pushes I remember asking if that was actually doing anything, because I felt no difference, but was pushing with everything I had in me. I remember them saying the head was coming down and wasn’t crowning but was RIGHT there. I remembered watching a video of this happening in a water birth (on YouTube no less), and knew that I just had to keep pushing. And push HARD. They brought a mirror over. That helped as I was able to focus on a location. After another push or 2, I could see baby’s head in the mirror. After the next push I was able to reach down and feel her head. Amazing. And then I pushed so hard I felt I was going to explode. Just when I thought it would never end, there was a TON of pressure and then burning as she crowned then extreme relief all in a blur. It happened so fast, the next thing I knew, the most beautiful sound filled the room, and I was handed a slimy, squirmy baby girl. Madilyn Helaine had arrived. April 18th, 2008 at 9:42 in the evening happens to top the category of “the most wonderful moments of my life”. I cried, I was shaking uncontrollably, the adrenaline rush I had was overwhelming but I just couldn’t let go. Madi was a healthy 7 lbs 9 oz at birth and 19 ½ inches long. I had a 2nd degree tear, partly because she came so quickly.
Tuesday I was feeling crappy after work and class and took the 'ol Blood pressure, I got a dreaded 160/90 reading (anything over 140/90 is cause for concern). I debated whether to call the doc on call, butmy BP eventually went down and I decided to wait until morning. I started feeling bad again (I mean, SHITTY--dizzy really irritable and a bad headache) yesterday and called the doc to share the reading from the day before and was told to go in to get it checked "officially". . . I got there that afternoon and it was 150/100, so I got sent to L&D for monitoring and tests. All the tests came back OK, and my BP eventually went down to 140/70, so I was able to go home on modified bed rest. With a big jug for testing my urine for 24 hours. I've been told not to go back to work for a week, as Dr. doesn't want labor issues before 35 weeks. I'll get the results of the 24 hour test tomorrow and will know more then. They're looking for protein in my urine, specifically. The blood pressure is high-ish still, but not terrible 138/83 at my appt today. AND I have another urinary tract infection. I think this is the 4th one since August. I'm SO over the UTIs!
Let's just hope the test stuff from today comes back OK and this kiddo waits another 2 weeks at least to get here! I'm not ready for a baby in 2 weeks, which is what could happen if things get worse. Ugh.
Baby got her first case of the hiccups that I noticed tonight. I was laying in bed and the rhythmic bounce happened for 2-ish minutes that could only be hiccups. Cute.
Really. I feel like I'm in this perpetual waiting game. We're just getting ready. . .childbirth class. . .biweekly appointments. . .not that exciting. Except the boobs. They're pretty exciting. They're bigger. And darker. And leaking clear/white fluid. And no, you can't see. :-)
This was last week, I seem to be a week behind:
We finished the bathroom project. . .note the new paint. . .and new countertop. It looks way better than before. We just have Booboo's room to finish. . .moulding to paint and arranging to do, and that'll be done. It's all coming together.
Ten more weeks with the growing basketball in my belly seems like it's never going to end. 30 weeks pregnant on Friday. Eeeek! Not that I'm complaining or anything, really. We've started getting down to the nitty-gritty logistics of baby's eviction from her current place of residence. That's right folks, childbirth classes. It's pretty funny. . . and pretty classic classes and stuff. Last week was our first class, we have another tonight.
Eight years ago (for VARIOUS reasons. . .don't ask). . .I would have jumped all over drugging myself up for birth. That was then, this is now. While I'm not going to kick myself if it doesn't work, and you all can call me crazy ,but I won't be checking in to the hospital hoping for an epidural. In fact, if I were to have my way, I won't be checking into the hospital until I'm having VERY regular contractions. I'm attempting to prepare myself for birth-without-drugs.
The hospital in Lawrence is rumored to be pretty c-section happy. I love LOVE the OB we have, but there's still the off-chance she won't be there if I go into labor when she's been on call the night before and running on no sleep. I'm not at ALL loving the other doctors in the practice. So, we're hiring a doula. A what? Basically a labor support person, to support Mike and help me through the whole process. The rate of "emergency" services, c-section, episiotomy and other chilbirth nastiness is markedly reduced with their help. Neither Mike nor I want other family members there during birth. We met Stefanie last week, she was referred to me by a friend who gave birth in November at the same hospital without a doula, but required her help recovering from a c-section. Stefanie will help in estabilshing breastfeeding and babycare after baby gets here. In my home. I won't have to leave.
The other thing that's recently been decided caused a LOT of drama until it was figured out. I've not been working full-time at the job I've had for 4 1/2 years, but will be working almost full time until baby gets here. I'm just taking one class after all (an update to the post below where I thought was taking a grad level class. Stuff happens). I was doubting that I'd get any paid time off when baby arrives. After a week of uncertainty, I was finally told they'd give me 3 weeks at full pay and 3 at 60%. I can't complain about that.
Most of you have seen these by now, but on the 31st, we did a 3D ultrasound. So, here's baby girl (3 Ultrasounds have confirmed girl now, so I'm going with girl. We MIGHT have a name, but I'm not telling!), I can't stop looking at these pictures. Think she'll look like she does in-utero??:
Oh, and for the belly stalkers, this was 2 weeks ago. The belly's bigger now, but I'll get something new up tomorrow. And, yes, that IS a toothbrush. Mike was in a hurry.
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Butterfly Baby said:
Oh Kate, I'm so sorry! How terribly frustrating, difficult, devastating! I'm glad you found out not rather than after something... read more
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Alana said:
Sorry to hear that you are having problems. Hopefully things will sort themselves out. If not, I suppose you'll get... read more
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Alana said:
Damn girl, you are getting big! And I like how the new bathroom stuff looks ;) read more
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OMG Kate, she is really SO Freaking cute!!!! read more
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